The 32 Rules of Life

While I’m off playing in the sun and sand of Mexico, I’ll leave you with this amusing list someone sent me in an email. Enjoy.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
   on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing
    in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never
    tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
    person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
     good.
13. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
14. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
      waist change places.
16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks
     before you need it.
18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
      mistake when you make it again.
20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
22. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
23. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race
      has not achieved its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’
24. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
     never want you to share yours with them.
26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
27. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
28. Never lick a steak knife.
29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
30. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
      suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual
      baby emerging from her at that moment
31. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
     gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep
     down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
32. Your friends love you anyway.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The 32 Rules of Life

  1. Thanks for the amusing Rules of Life, Joyce. Mexico sounds like a great place to hang out right now! Have fun! Darlene

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

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